On marriage

Marriage is the most holy and sacred of all institutions. It is the institution that defines our society. Without marriage, which is what the Global Left want, there would be chaos. Marriage is a way of keeping people faithful and chaste. Marriage is about stability instead of anarchy.
There are also some legal and financial benefits which are important. Thus, men and women get married.
But homosexuals now want that same right. They want to be able to marry one another so that the benefits and meaning of marriage is reduced, then destroyed. For it is the abolition of all marriage that is the true goal of homosexuals and their allies in the Global Left. They don't want marriage because it prevents the kind of deviancy and moral corruption that these people worship. Without marriage, all copulation would be meaningless debauchery, done simply for enjoyment rather than procreation. Indeed, without marriage to sustain it, procreation itself would simply cease to exist. The human race would die out. Again, this is all part of the insidious plan of the Left.

Which is why I have decided to help combat this moral decline by getting married myself. I have never been married, and at almost thirty I concede I may have left it slightly later than I would have liked. Certainly my late father, who himself was married four times, continually insisted that I marry and, according to my mother, seemed to believe that not being married was a sign I was homosexual. While being single does not necessarily mean a person is homosexual, the older a person leaves it, the more likely it is that they are, so I feel the time has come to marry in order to prevent any appearance that I would have anything in common with the dangerous radical deviants in the homosexual movement.

There are a number of financial benefits to marriage which I also would like to take advantage of, such as joint accounts, joint taxation etc. I therefore decided to choose a wife who would also accept these advantages. To that end, I approached a business partner of my accountant, whom I have known for some time. I put to her the idea of marriage for our own financial and social stability. I know for a fact that Sarah Firth (for that is her name) has been keen to marry for some time, and at thirty herself she is of the age where it is becoming more important. I pointed out to Miss Firth that my net worth of several million and my future as a high-ranking member of parliament, and probably Prime Minister within a decade, made me a prime candidate. She was won over by these arguments, as I knew she would be.

So now, Miss Firth and myself are engaged. No date has yet been set for the wedding but I believe it will be sooner rather than later. Probably by the end of this year. I have already begun to organise our finances so that they are conducted jointly, and begun to integrate Miss Firth's share portfolio into my own.

There may be a point where children are scheduled to arrive. The benefits of this would also be welcome. A $5000 'baby bonus' grant is not to be sniffed at!

Dear readers, you are the first to hear this happy news. I trust you will wish us well.